I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize