i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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