I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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