Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
