Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
