First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
