I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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