I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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