i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
