I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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