you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
