I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
