you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You should frame my arrest warrant.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
