omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Randomize
