and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
FUCK WHALES
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
