his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
i now understand why vodka
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
