found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
