I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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