they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
