clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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