He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
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I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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