he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
