i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
