Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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