Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
