You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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