My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
