Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
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How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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