Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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