Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
