i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
