i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
