if i can run in heels then i can drive
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
