hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
