They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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