we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
