just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
