I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
