we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
