Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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