We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
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