Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
