is your mom at the bar?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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