was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
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I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize