Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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