I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
