i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
