we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
