My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Operation Purity has been aborted
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
