This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
It's official drugs can't kill me
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
