I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
