Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
