wrigley field is MILF paradise
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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