And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
