Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
