he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
