my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
