He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
