When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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