You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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