tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
