It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
